


holding out for better weather

by regrettes



Category: The Prom - Sklar/Beguelin/Martin
Genre: F/F, Please don't come for me, Punk AU, This has some plot, band au, but I'm making it up as I go, pop punk - Freeform, this is a repost bc a bitch had a moment and deleted it
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-12-13
Updated: 2020-05-07
Packaged: 2021-02-26 22:00:47
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 3
Words: 10,453
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21776131
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/regrettes/pseuds/regrettes
Summary: Emma's lead singer of a band, The Shock Tops, and in her attempt to make the best of her midwest life, found some friends that help her finally work up the courage to talk to the girl that she's been pining after for years.
Relationships: Alyssa Greene/Emma Nolan
Kudos: 15





	1. Start from the Top

Emma couldn't believe what she was seeing, her show was supposed to be a punks only event, but here, standing in front of her with the cutest smile on her face that the blonde had ever seen, was Alyssa Greene. This girl didn't know the first thing about punk, but had seen Emma's name on the flyer and come anyway, and something about that softened the punk's heart ever so slightly, until she remembered that a lot of normie girls did that sort of thing. If they thought someone in the band was hot, they’d come listen and pretend to be a fan just to say the got with a band member. She wasn’t the band member they ever came for, so Alyssa wasn’t going to be an exception. She probably had a thing for Clarke or Dani, plus coffee house shows always brought in different crowds than her garage shows. The indie girls and guys came, so she could be coming for one of them, this wasn’t the 80’s or 90’s punk scene, this was the scene that everyone wanted to be a part of.

This scene was so crowded with covers of the same emo classics and half-assed screaming that even the mosh pits fell apart after a song or two. Emma knew that she wasn’t the best that the world had ever seen, she wasn’t the next Caleb Shomo or anything, but she had the pipes and band to be pretty damn close. She’d grown fairly popular in the music crowd, but it didn’t change that school was still fairly rough on her. No one accepted her because she was a lesbian, but that was normal for Indiana, she should have accepted it. But between being the only out kid in the entire school, and all of her bandmates and friends living in another town, it made feeling accepted and comfortable a little harder. Performances were the one time outside of practice where the whole band was able to get together, though they were talking about renting a house for the summer to work on their music together.

Betsy had said they could have the farm and she’d go back upstate to live, but Emma knew that her grandma truly loved living on the farm, so she wasn’t going to do that to her. She wanted to be close to Betsy either way, knowing that she’d have her full support system with her at any point in time. When she was at home, after practice, she’d sit on the floor of the living room while her grandma did housework and just played her guitar for her. Never anything heavy or angry, usually her grandma’s favorite songs. She’d thought about pitching playing one at some point to the band, but didn’t want to come off as a big softie. She’d built her whole reputation around being hard and not someone to mess with, and she wasn’t ready to ruin that quite yet. But here to threaten that reputation was Alyssa Greene, a girl that had truly stumped Emma time and again.

They’d been partners freshman year for science class, and she’d watched Alyssa blow up their peanut brittle and it’d had only spiraled from there. She didn’t think she’d fall for someone for making such a simple mistake, but that explosion had been her heart when she connected with those chocolate eyes time and again. The rest of freshman year had been spent avoiding looking Alyssa in the eyes, and then dealing with the comments and questions when her parents tossed her onto the streets. That’s where Dani had found her and taken her in for a while until her grandma could come take her to the farm. The pair had clicked ever since, Dani being a confidant in the whole being lesbian department. They were truly a lifesaver for Emma, who wasn’t sure if there was another lesbian in Indiana before that.

It was Dani who saved Emma once again, nudging her to pull her from looking too long at Alyssa, a knowing smile on their face. “You good there? You’re supposed to be checking mics there hot shot,” They laughed lightly, tapping the microphone before motioning for Maddie to turn it up a little more. “Staring at pretty girls won’t make us sound good Em, you still gotta impress them.”

Emma turned a bright red, looking at Dani and then back to Clarke, who was setting up her drums and trying her best to ignore Dani teasing Emma. Maddie wasn’t much help either, she just looked ready to play but Emma wasn’t finishing the mic tests quick enough. They were the last band to perform, but they also had to set up first so that their things were ready when it was time for them to go on. “I-Sorry, I just didn’t expect to see someone here. She’s not the type to come to the shows.”

“Yeah well maybe she’s here for one of the guys in Terror We Fall or Bear Fighting Bear or something. You never know, maybe she’s just here to support someone or to get a coffee. This place is super welcoming to everyone, that’s why we’re here,” Dani kept their face away from the mic, making Emma look them in the eyes as they spoke. It was going to kill Emma if she didn’t speak to Alyssa, but she knew that they had to hurry up and get ready so that the show could start. It was a full five band line up tonight, but most of them were fairly new. The only band from out of town was a South Dakota band passing through, but they were known to be pretty good. Emma was excited to have more than just the local groups for once, it got boring hearing the same songs, but she also knew that if her band didn’t do well then they might lose some credibility from the locals. Not that they were doing it for clout, they loved making music, but it was already hard to be seen in the Indiana music scene and they were doing the best they could.

“You’re right, I won’t get my hopes up. Let’s finish getting set up so Terror We Fall can take the stage. I can’t wait to hear Dear Maria, Count Me In again,” She nudged Dani lightly before jogging off the small stage to take Maddie’s place so Maddie could test her mic. She stood over by the mixing table as the rest of them tuned and tested mics, making sure everything sounded good before giving a thumbs up to her bandmates. They set their instruments on stage as Emma took the stage, Clarke almost knocking over the guitar set up as she jumped over the amp and off the stage.

“Clarke don’t go breaking shit!” She laughed into the mic, looking back out to the crowd with a stage smile. This was where Emma was most comfortable, this was what made her happiest. The stage was her home. “Good evening everyone! Guys, Gals, Nonbinary pals! My name is Emma Nolan and crawling off the stage is the members of my band Shock Tops! I’m going to be introducing the bands tonight so the beautiful Syd,” Emma paused to blow a kiss and a wink to the barista behind the counter with a goofy grin. It was an inside joke between the two, since she’d originally found a second home in the coffee shop talking to the college age baristas, “doesn’t have to! They’ll be too busy slinging out your drinks all night long however so be sure to tip her! Up first tonight we have Terror We Fall! They’re visiting from the next town over, and they’ve got some pretty fucking sweet tunes coming up for you! As always, be sure you tip, check out every band’s merch table and enjoy the music!”

Emma jogged off the stage, crashing into Dani and Maddie before making herself comfortable laying on top of them. “Don’t get comfortable Nolan, I’ll knock you in the head if you drool on me again,” Maddie warned, flicking Emma’s temple with a stern glare. The blonde looked up into Emma’s eyes and pouted slightly, trying to get her to bend to her will. There had been one, and only one, instance where Emma fell asleep on Maddie and she’d ended up drooling slightly.

“It was one time! I was asleep and we were in the car! I’m not gonna sleep before a sho-” She immediately cut herself off as the band started and a familiar brunette made her way over to the couch. Her mouth went dry and Emma fell off the pair, sitting in between them with a nervous look in her eyes. Alyssa Greene was standing over by their couch, all but staring at Emma and Maddie as they interacted. Emma felt like her heart was going to jump out of her chest, wanting nothing more than to talk to probably the most popular girl in her class, but knowing that she probably shouldn’t. There was a high chance she wasn’t here for Emma’s band, she was probably here for either the coffee or for one of the bands. Alyssa didn’t strike Emma as the type to be into more than cover bands for emo classics, so maybe she was here for Terror We Fall or Deadfield? There was one way to find out, but the hand on her thigh from Maddie stopped her from moving. She looked to her friend, offering a smile but only got a slight glare in return. This was going to be a long show.

Maybe it wouldn’t be such a long show, Alyssa casually gravitated back over to where Kaylee and Shelby sat at a table, leaving Emma alone with her thoughts once more. Maybe that had been her only chance to talk to the girl, but if she wasn’t going to do it then, it wasn’t meant to be. She had to focus on her music either way, the band was taking off and planning a summer tour, so she needed to make sure they were her priority. She had no business falling in love with a girl right now. She found herself leaning up against Maddie, one leg draped over Dani while she listened to Terror We Fall play. It was the same set they’d played two weeks ago in Wabash, but there were some classic songs that every former emo kid would know, and some even normie kids would be able to jam to. Between Gives You Hell and Helena, everyone got into the mini-mosh pit that formed.

After they finished their set one of the members, an acne faced kid with a standard emo swoop, motioned for Emma to take the stage again. He gave her a smile that shook her to her core, not used to men actually looking at her, let alone smiling. The band scene might have been filled with men but most of them just ignored that Emma’s band existed unless they had to talk to them. So seeing one of the guys actually look at her and _stare_ for a moment or two too long was shocking and slightly unnerving. These guys were a year or two younger, and it showed, but she didn’t want to think anything bad of them. She shook it off, jumping up onto the stage with her show smile again, ready to give another schpeel and welcome the next band onto the stage. “Alright! Give it up one more time for Terror We Fall! These young guys really know how to open a show! Next up we’ve got Bear Fighting Bear! These guys are an indie punk group out of Edgewater’s adult scene! They took a break from hitting the bar scene in the area to join us for this show! Give them a warm welcome and then get ready to mosh!” She let out a scream with the word ‘mosh’ wanting to get the crowd a little more hyped for the bands. She knew that it was a long shot to get some of the preppy kids into the mosh pit, but she was planning to join in at some point, and she’d love to get a few friendly throws in now and again. “Tip your baristas, Syd and Emma are working really hard for you guys tonight! I’ll be hanging at the merch table or in the pit for the next set so don’t be afraid to stop by and throw a punch or say hi!” She smirked into the crowd before hearing someone yell ‘do a flip’ from her merch table.

She wasn’t one to say no to a challenge, promptly spinning around and backflipping off the stage. She stuck the landing, turning to make direct eye contact with a kid in her high school, Kevin, who’d yelled. The boy was standing next to Alyssa and Shelby, who were admiring some of the shirts that Dani and Clarke had been making the past few days by hand. She couldn’t help but shoot her middle finger out at Kevin with a smirk before jogging over to the merch table. “Hey ladies! See anything you like? Pins are a dollar, and the shirts are ten! We also have stickers if those are more your style,” She felt like she was talking too fast as she slid her hands in her pockets, but there was a sort of excitement over a reason to talk to Alyssa that she couldn’t contain.

Speaking of, Alyssa was the first to look up, a bright smile on her face. “Emma! Did you guys design these shirts yourselves? I love the logo!” She pointed at the shirt, eyes dropping to admire it as she continued to speak, “You said shirts are ten? Do you guys have a size large? I want to turn it into a crop top! Unless you have those already too?” Alyssa seemed really excited about getting a shirt, which threw Emma off slightly. She wasn’t used to people genuinely jumping for joy at the idea of getting merch from a band. The scene was a lot more relaxed and laid back. You came up to the table, looked around and nodded slightly before walking away. Usually you didn’t actually start thinking about buying the merch until closer to the end of the show, or until you’ve gotten in with one of the band members. Then you could snag a deal and sweet talk them into anything you wanted. Maybe Alyssa knew that she didn’t need to go through any of the motions for something like that? Maybe it wasn’t about the deal for her, it was just about the experience.

“I-Uh,” Emma stumbled, not having her show persona on right then, “We only have the crop I’m wearing, which I made myself. But we do have size large shirts!” She reached under the table, flipping off the tote lid and beginning to rummage through. “We did design the shirts ourselves, we actually spent all last weekend up at my grandma’s farm designing them making enough so we’d be able to have a decent stock. This is the first show we’ve got the new merch at!” She pulled out one of the shirts and set it on the table in front of her before looking from Alyssa for the first time to see Shelby looking over her with an overly judgmental look on her face. She almost immediately shrunk into herself, wishing that she didn’t have to feel like she was less than her peers. There was just that stupid nagging voice in the back of her head that told her she wasn’t, that she wasn’t as good as she thought she was.

“Cute merch, Emma,” Shelby said, popping her gum as she spoke. It didn’t seem overly bitchy in her tone, but the look she gave as she looked over the merch gave away the real intentions. Emma wished that literally anyone else was over here to help ground her as she chose to ignore Shelby all together and focus on Alyssa as she traded the shirt for a ten dollar bill that Alyssa held out to her. There was a brief moment where their fingers brushed and Emma felt like she was shocked. It wasn’t a static shock, but more like her heart felt like it was going to explode from the mere brush of her crush’s fingertips.

“I-Okay! Pleasure doing business with you Alyssa! Let me know how the crop turns out?” She met those chocolate eyes and gave a goofy smile, hoping to have a reason to talk to Alyssa again, but not wanting to push it too far. Part of her wanted to use the idea of jumping into the mosh pit to save her from having to keep being trapped in an awkward social situation, but the other part of her couldn’t bear to let go of a conversation with Alyssa.

Maddie chose that exact moment to save her from the situation however, body slamming into her and giving a loud laugh. Her laugh and immediate presence seemed to throw off Shelby, who looked up at her with wide eyes. “Sup ladies? Name’s Maddie, Emma here is being summoned to the front counter to talk to the baristas, so if you have questions about merch, or about the band, then I’m gonna be your go-to now.” She grabbed Emma’s arm and made her move to the other side of the table, winking at her. “Go on babes, Syd has a couple questions for ya,” Emma didn’t know what to make of Maddie putting on the bravado she must’ve sensed that Emma was lacking, but she was more than thankful for it.

“I-Thanks Maddie! I’ll see you in the pit!” She shot finger guns at the bassist before jogging up to the front counter and practically throwing herself on the countertop in front of Syd before rolling onto her back and looking up at the college student. “What’s up buttercup?” She gave a goofy grin, similar to the one she shot at Alyssa, but this one more comfortable and carefree. Syd wasn’t going to judge her thankfully, but also had definitely seen every instance of Emma attempting to talk to Alyssa. She definitely might not get judged, but she also would get picked on for losing her confident persona in front of a pretty girl.

One thing Emma didn’t expect was for Syd to lean on the counter and put their faces mere inches away from each other. It made her heart skip a beat, not being used to having someone that close to her other than Dani when they ended up in a cuddle pile during movie nights. “You had some pretty nice moves during that backflip. Wanna tell me what that was about? I mean, I heard someone say do a flip but you never give the fans what they want,” They had a smirk on their lips and their eyes stayed locked on Emma’s the entire time, even when the blonde squirmed and attempted to get off the counter.

She didn’t end up succeeding, more or less being trapped by Syd on either side of the counter. They raised an eyebrow and looked back to where the merch table was, seeing Alyssa standing off to the side, talking with Kaylee and Shelby while playing with the shirt. Kevin had gone to join Nick in the mosh pit, even if they didn’t know a lot of the music that was being played. Or any of the music, as Bear Fighting Bear played less known music, but they had a good time and had a fun sound so no one really complained. “Was it for one of the pretty girls over there? Or were you actually trying to impress Emma and I for once? We’ve seen you in nothing but pajama pants and a tank before so that would be hard, but it would be funny to see you try.” They looked between Emma and the trio of girls who seemed to be watching Emma, either in disgust or interest and got an idea. She looked back down at Emma and rested her hand on the girl’s hip, moving around to the side of the counter that Emma was leaning off of. She’d positioned herself in between Emma’s legs, causing the blonde to sit up and look at her slightly confused.

That confusion only grew and Syd leaned up slightly and Emma felt lips on her’s. There was a moment of gay panic before she cupped Syd’s cheeks and smiled against their lips. She hadn’t kissed a lot of people in her life, but she knew that none of them had actually come close to this. There had been Grey in freshman year when she wasn’t sure if she was gay or not, and nothing against him, but she definitely was not into boys. They still talked from time to time, but the rest of the people she’d kissed consisted of a girl from a show that kissed her two weeks ago, and now Syd. Syd was definitely the best of the three, and even though the kiss didn’t last long, Emma still felt the blush on her cheeks as if someone had lit her on fire. “Wanna tell me what that was about?” She giggled, keeping her voice soft as she barely picked up on Kaylee saying something about how gross it was as the band ended their final song.

Smacking her ass as they shoved Emma off the counter, Syd smirked at them, “I’ll tell you during close. Bear Fighting Bear is over, time to go do your thing Rockstar.” Syd gave her one last playful wink before blowing a kiss at the blonde. Emma turned around and flipped Syd off before jogging up to the stage and taking the mic off the stand. It was a wireless mic, so she was able to walk around with it while she spoke.

“Alright! Give it up once again for Bear Fighting Bear! These guys kill it every time they take the stage! Up next we’re going to have another semi-local band! They’re pretty new to the scene, but I think they have so much potential! Their name is Corrupted Stardust and from what I’ve heard they sound pretty fucking sick!” Emma looked over to where the drummer and bassist were already set up, but the guitarist wasn’t around yet and she couldn’t help but sigh, “Chris! They can’t start without you dude!” She took the mic, jogging back over to where Chris was leaning against the counter, talking to Maddie with a grin on her face. Emma grabbed her arm, putting the mic to her mouth as she pulled Chris to the stage, “You can go back to flirting with Maddie later, I wanna mosh!” With that she shoved the mic into Chris’s hand and pushed her friend up onto the stage before turning to see her bandmate blushing and glaring at her. This was going to be fun to quiz Maddie on after the show.

Emma didn’t get it, she didn’t understand how someone could look that good, while moshing. When she’d joked about wanting to join the pit, she hadn’t expected Alyssa and Shelby to throw themselves into the middle of the pit. She knew that neither girl knew what they were doing, but she couldn’t help but think that Alyssa looked absolutely adorable as she got shoved around by the rest of the crowd. The mosh pits at the coffee house were never anything super dangerous, the venue was small enough that elbows couldn’t be thrown or someone would hit a wall. IF they were outside, it wouldn’t be a problem, but everyone was pretty relaxed about how hard they went. When things did get a little rougher, it was because Dani and Emma had thrown themselves into the mix. They positioned themselves so they were at the edge of the stage, cheering on Chris and her band as the slammed into mostly each other.

Before long it was Emma’s turn to introduce the next band before she threw herself off the stage and back into the pit, slamming into both Shelby and Dani as she did so. Dani reacted the way she knew they would, slamming her back into the crowd with a laugh, but Shelby glared at her slightly before catching Dani’s eyes and quickly looking away. Emma didn’t miss the look, but just wrote it off as nothing, finding herself standing face to face with Alyssa again. She waved slightly, offering a slight smile before looking around to see if anyone else was around. When she didn’t see Kaylee or Nick waiting to pull a trick on her, she felt like she was able to speak. “I-Hi! I didn’t expect you to join in, you don’t peg me as the type to mosh.”

Alyssa shrugged, looking Emma up and down before meeting her eyes. Emma couldn’t help but notice how her tongue poked out from between her lips ever so slightly, like she was contemplating what she wanted to say. “Are you and the barista together? I-I saw you guys and I was just wondering. You so don’t have to answer that wow, I guess I was curious? Shelby and Kevin are too, luckily Kaylee didn’t say anything but I-we saw you two kiss and they volunteered me to ask.”

Emma was slightly confused at first, both by how Alyssa was looking at her, and then at the mention of a kiss. She took a moment to realize that she was referring to her kiss with Syd, which brought a light blush to her cheeks. She had forgotten that had happened, even if it happened less than three hours ago. She looked back to where Syd was standing at the counter, half listening to the band, and gave her a slight finger wave. She could totally play it off like she had a thing with Syd, to seem cool and distract from her very obvious feelings for Alyssa, feelings that had been growing for months. But she knew that it was a bad idea to lie, she hadn’t gotten Syd in on it, and didn’t know if they even would be cool with it. Yeah the kiss had been their idea, but Emma knew that there would be issues if she didn’t get her story straight with the older barista first.

As if on cue though, Emma turning around to answer, Syd called her name just as the music started. The whole scenario was something out of a movie, one that Emma knew she was the awkward main protagonist of. It was playing out too similar for her liking, but there was no way of stopping it. Alyssa looked back to where they were, raising an eyebrow, “Looks like they’re coming over, wanna answer quick? Or-uh, I guess it’s really none of my business, I’ll-”

She was cut off as Syd slung an arm around Emma, smiling down at her before looking over to Alyssa, “What’s up babes? Tryin’ to score a date with Ems here?” Their smile was dazzling, and they knew that they had the charm to pull off almost anything. Is that what came with starting college? You enter and suddenly you’re some Casanova? Well, maybe that’s not what it was like, but that’s what it seemed like to Emma as she envied her friend’s charm. It definitely stunned Alyssa, as the girl just stood with her mouth open, almost a statue amongst the crowd.

“Lys? No, Alyssa wouldn’t want a date with me Syd. She’s... She’s a friend from school,” Emma explained, looking at her crush with a soft smile, wanting to save Alyssa from the embarrassment of having to answer the question. She knew that with other Edgewater kids here, it was a tougher environment for not only her, but for Alyssa. There were eyes and ears everywhere, “She was actually asking if we were together. As if you don’t have some college girl falling for you or anything.”

“Emma, listen, just because I graduated last year and just so _happen_ to be in college, doesn’t mean that I’m magically some cool kid who can get any girl they want. I happen to be single, just waiting on the right girl,” They winked at Alyssa, who turned a bright shade of red before muttering something about needed to use the bathroom before darting off through the crowd, leaving Emma and Syd standing near the stage as the band switched songs. How on Earth was she supposed to process the situation, it was like Syd read her mind, but also ruined her shot with talking to Alyssa for the night. The band that was up was the last one before her band, so there wouldn’t be much talking for the rest of the night. “She’s so into you kid,” Syd laughed, patting her shoulder, “Now let’s get you a coffee before you take the stage.”

__________________

Alyssa didn’t know why she’d felt so compelled to ask Emma if she was dating the barista or not, but she had and entirely regretted it. She had never expected them to come over, or to look that content holding Emma. She knew that she was curious because she was trying to figure out if _she_ was gay, but the flip her stomach did was something entirely different. She’d excused herself to the bathroom, only to end up standing in a fairly long line bored out of her mind. The music was definitely not something she normally listened to, but Shelby and Kaylee wanted to come to listen to Emma’s band and make fun of the girl, and Alyssa tagged along to support the girl. That was why she bought a shirt, and why she was so intent on sticking out the whole show even when Kevin and Nick said it would be more fun to be literally anywhere else.

“God, could this line _be_ any longer? I need to tune up before Emma takes the stage again or she’s gonna have my head.” The girl next to her seemed to be lamenting aloud, not really looking for an audience to talk to. Alyssa looked over to her, listening to her mentally kick herself before she really recognized her. She was the same girl that Emma had called out for flirting with one of the band’s singers.

She smiled before motioning to the space in front of her, in between her and the girl in the front of the line. “I know it’s not much further up, but you can cut in front of me if you want. I couldn’t imagine Emma ‘having your head’ but you probably know her better than I do,” She kept her voice innocent, finding herself admiring the girl’s eyes for a brief moment before ducking her head and wondering what that feeling in her stomach was again. Was she getting sick? This feeling didn’t make sense, but as the girl passed in front of her to take the offered position, she couldn't help but linger on the way their hands brushed.

“Thanks, I’m Maddie,” the band member offered, holding out her hand with a smile. Alyssa took it, shocked at how her body seemed to ignite at the simple touch. This was the reason she wanted to ask Emma about the barista, she wanted to know if this weird tingling feeling was the same feeling Emma got about girls. She couldn’t place it, nor had she ever felt it about a boy, but she knew that it felt how people in movies or books described having a connection with someone.

“I-I’m Alyssa, it’s nice to meet you Maddie,” She let go of the girl’s hand, nodding toward the bathroom as it was the other girl’s turn in line. She thought that maybe the conversation would end there, but a part of her hoped that there would be time to talk to her after the show. She heard Emma getting back up on stage to introduce her own band and before she knew it Maddie was rushing out of the bathroom, calling over her shoulder, “Sorry babes! Gotta go play!” before she was gone. Babes wasn’t something Alyssa was used to hearing, sure Shelby said it sometimes, and Greg used to call her baby, but it felt different coming from Maddie. She shook off the feeling, heading into the bathroom in hopes that having some space to herself would clear her head of whatever any of this was.

_________________

The rest of the show went off without a hitch, Emma’s band joining the mosh pit at one point and almost wrecking Dani’s guitar. Emma barely saved it from hitting the wall, shoving Dani back up onto the stage before she turned back into the crowd, grinning as Chris got the hint to mosh with Emma. Who said that crowd interaction had to be safe for everyone involved? All Emma cared about was making sure that her friends didn’t ruin their instruments. If she got a little beat up by moshing, then it was just another experience of the night. Plus, if it was Chris she was only going to get a few bruises, instead of another black eye or broken nose.

As their set finished, Emma thanked everyone for coming, reminding them that they should tip the baristas before blowing a kiss over to Syd and Emma behind the counter. Both her band and Chris’s helped clear the stage before they were found outside, talking to people who watched the show, and doing stupid tricks with their skateboards. Whenever Dani and Chris got together all hell broke loose, the pair always trying to out-do each other with tricks, but usually ending up with scraped up knees or elbows. Emma sat back and watched them every time, not trusting how clumsy she was in front of crowds to translate well into her skateboarding in front of crowds. Today’s antics were particularly dangerous, as by the time Emma even made it outside, Dani was laying across the side walk, calling for Chris to ‘just do it pussy!’ Glancing down the block, she saw Chris poised with her skateboard, ready to take off toward Dani’s body. She didn’t know what on Earth was happening, but as she felt a body come up behind her, she reached out and stopped it from getting in the way, “You’re gonna want to just stay there or you might get hit.” She didn’t glance at who it was, figuring it was one of her band members.

She kept thinking that as she watched Chris barrel down the sidewalk before actually executing a kick flip over Dani without getting hurt. She couldn’t help as she cheered them on, Dani jumping back up from the ground and immediately getting tackled in a hug by Chris. The person her arm had been blocking moved her arm out of the way, and she came face to face with Shelby, who looked from her to Dani before meeting Emma’s eyes. “You played good tonight, didn’t actually expect that out of you. Especially with... that.” She nodded her head to where Dani was goofing around with Chris and Clarke.

Emma pursed her lips, looking Shelby up and down before she spoke, as if to gain the confidence she wished she had when she was at school. “What you call ‘that’ is friendship. We might not all live in town, but we’re better friends than what you call friends at school. Dani and Chris might be goofy and stupid, but they’re cool. So, if you could not pick on my friends and just leave it to picking on me, that’d be great.” She didn’t leave the conversation open for an answer, knowing that either way she’d feel the rebuttal on Monday in school, as she made her way over to her friends, intent on enjoying the rest of her night. She noted how Maddie seemed to be chatting up Alyssa, but didn’t think much of it, as everyone chatted with each other after the shows.


	2. eulogy for the youth

“Do you like the bear Emma?” Kaylee mocked, watching as Emma slammed her locker in an attempt to ignore the bear hanging inside. She didn’t know why the bear was hanging this time, but she felt like it was a step up from it holding the post card that just had hate notes in it. She looked over at Kaylee and raised an eyebrow before pursing her lips and looking to the two girls right behind her.   
  
“You know,” Emma started, thinking about each word carefully as she said them, “You must really hate your life to keep buying bears and sticking them in my locker. Unless this is some sort of sick secret admirer ordeal you’re putting me through, in which case... I hate to break it to you Kaylee.” She paused, eyes darting briefly to Alyssa before she stood up a little straighter and smiled, “You really aren’t my type.” With that, she spun on her heel and began speed walking away from the situation, knowing that if she stuck around she’d hear more than just Kaylee scoff and Shelby laugh.

School had never been something that Emma had really looked forward to, but it had gotten a little easier when she’d started going to the coffee shop afterward. It gave her not just something to look forward to, but someone she could vent to, just in case Shelby or Kaylee pulled something again. Her safe haven had started with just slipping in to grab a coffee and do her homework when her parents were feeling particularly angry with her, but as time passed and her home situation got worse before it got better, she found herself venting to the baristas, Syd in particular. She didn’t have her bandmates yet, or any true friends really, so knowing that she had a place to go and talk to other people who understood what it was like to be not straight in Indiana was really what kept her going. She became inducted into the family the first time they invited her to hang out outside of the coffee house, to solidify their friendship as a proper thing.

_______________

_She didn’t know what she’d expected, maybe some college party or to be told she couldn’t come because they were going to the bar, but as the shop closed up for the day Syd and the other barista, Emma, led her back into the alley. She was taken up a long fire escape ladder, into a small apartment that was cluttered with different instruments and one of the nicest stereo systems she’d ever seen. Syd had apologized for the mess but Emma waved them off, finding herself drawn to a Fender guitar propped up on a stand, asking if she could play it. “It’s an acoustic, so it won’t be your usual sound, but go for it,” Syd replied, grabbing a beer from the fridge and throwing themself onto the couch._

_Emma picked up the guitar and a capo from the coffee table before taking a seat on the arm of the couch opposite of Syd, watching as the other Emma took the recliner and both of their attention turned to her. “What are you gonna play for us? I don’t think I’ve ever heard you play,” Emma asked, watching as her name twin slipped the capo onto the guitar._

_Thinking for a moment Emma Nolan strummed lightly before looking at the pair, “I’m torn between two songs right now, but I think I’m gonna have to go with some With Confidence right now.” She gave them both a goofy smile before she started to play, surprised that they seemed to be into her playing for them. She’d told them she’d played a few times, but she actually hadn’t played in front of anyone before. She got through the intro’s riff easily,_ **_“Oh I remember the first night that she said, ‘Well maybe I can’t do this on my own.’ And despite all the reassurances and reoccurrences you will not be alone.”_ **

_She closed her eyes as she sang, not really sure she was ready to see the look on her friends’ faces if she wasn’t as good as she thought she was. To her surprise as she reached the chorus where where there was no guitar to back her up, Syd’s voice joined her’s. She opened her eyes then and grinned from ear to ear, jumping back in with the guitar when it came to the right part. She finished out the song and set the guitar back on the stand, blushing a light red as the other Emma began complimenting her, “Why have you never sang at the shop before? You know we have karaoke and open mic? You’re literally so talented?”_

_She just shrugged, looking between them before answering, “I don’t know? I just haven’t felt confident enough. Singing on my own in my room is one thing, but doing it in front of a crowd like the ones that come to karaoke or open mic is completely different. I tried to start a band once, but it didn’t exactly pan out.” Emma thought back on her attempt, having made posters looking for band mates, only to get a prank call from Nick Boomer instead of any actually interested people._

_Syd sat up slightly, taking a sip of their beer and looking Emma up and down before grabbing their phone off the table, “Would you be interested in being in a band still?” They didn’t look up from their phone, clearly scrolling through to find something related to the topic at hand as they moved to sit closer to Emma. “I saw this post from one of our regulars at open mic. Their name is Dani, they’re looking for a frontman for their band. They want someone who does your type of music, but like I think you guys would get along really well. I could... set you two up?”_

_“I mean,” Emma started, looking to the other Emma for a moment before looking over the post that she was being shown, “I wouldn’t say no! Maybe we could get together for a jam session, or coffee or something? That way we can get to know each other and talk about the type of music they want to make? You know, make sure we’re a good fit?” Little did Emma know that this one jam session would turn into her finding the people she considered her family._

_______________

“Syd, Dani, are either of you actually listening to me? Or are you just staring off into space again?” Emma groaned, waving her hand in front of her friend’s faces. She eventually just gave up, following their gaze to see what they were looking at so intently. She found the three girls she was least hoping to see in her safe haven after the show the other night. Alyssa stood outside the big windows with Kaylee and Shelby on either side, all clearly trying to figure out if they should come into the shop. It looked like Kaylee was the most on board with the idea, continually pointing to the door but both Shelby and Alyssa seemed a little apprehensive. She watched them, finally understanding why her friends weren’t paying much attention to her. She wouldn’t pay attention to herself either if someone like Alyssa Greene was standing in front of her.

As if hearing Emma think her name, Alyssa turned her head and made eye contact with Emma, seeming to be startled slightly at the blonde’s gaze. Emma offered her a soft smile, waving shyly before motioning for her to come inside. She didn’t want to pressure the girl into anything, but she didn’t want to be the one to stop her from coming in either. As if Emma’s offer of entry was the one token they needed to come inside, the three girls filed in, Alyssa being the only one to be cordial toward her. “Sorry, I just didn’t want us to intrude on your safe space,” Alyssa said softly, standing in front of Emma’s stool and glancing over to her friends that were looking over the menu. “I know that you come here to get away from Edgewater, so I didn’t want us to make you uncomfortable. We were just doing some shopping and Kaylee wanted coffee.”

Emma raised an eyebrow as Alyssa rambled, an amused smile on her lips. She reached a hand out and gently touched Alyssa’s shoulder, “I don’t own the shop, Alyssa. You’re more than welcome to come here whenever you guys want to. Syd isn’t just not going to serve you guys because they know what some people say to me at school.” Her words were genuine, she knew that she couldn’t stop them from coming, but that didn’t mean that her stomach wasn’t twisted in knots at the thought of Kaylee and Shelby being in the shop. Alyssa might not say anything bad to her, but there was very little of Emma that thought Kaylee would be nice to her when the school location was removed from the equation. “Besides, this is the best coffee in Indiana, so if you don’t come here you’re missing out.”

Kaylee turned her attention from the menu boards hanging above the counter to Alyssa, scoffing at the sight of Emma’s hand on her shoulder. The noise made Emma draw her hand back, biting her lip and shooting a glare to Kaylee before Syd cleared their throat and broke up the silent turf war. “Ladies, welcome to the Black Crow. What can I get you to drink?” Their voice was cool and collected, but as Emma looked between them and Dani, she knew that this was just to keep anything from happening. She leaned over to Dani, whispering in their ear, “Like I said, they’re pretty but deadly. Emphasis on both words.”

Dani gave a soft chuckle, glancing at Shelby and then Alyssa before raising an eyebrow at Emma. Their voice was a whisper as they kept their gaze locked on the trio currently enraptured with Syd as they talked about the different types of coffee that the store could make, “You sure do have your hands full back in Edgewater, huh? Alyssa’s the one in the light purple, right? She seems nice, but the other two are hard to read.”

“That’s because they’re actual demons,” Emma scoffed, turning around on her stool and going back to the link she had open on her laptop. She’d been attempting to talk to her friends about different songs they could add to mix up their set, but now as she looked at it, doing a pop punk version of something like _Dancing Queen_ seemed a little weird in retrospect. She wasn’t entirely put off on the idea, but she knew that it would take a lot of work and rehearsal. Time that they didn’t have with their next show only being a few weeks away. “Okay I’m nixing _Dancing Queen_ from potential setlist additions, we don’t have time to work through it. But there’s already a pop punk version of _Love Yourself_? We could try that one?” She glanced to Dani briefly as she pulled up the page with the sheet music and a Spotify link to the version Grayscale had done.

“It could work, but keep _Dancing Queen_ on the back burner. If we want to work it in later on down the line it would be a fun piece to pull out once in a while,” Dani hummed, taking a bite of their sandwich and looking over Emma’s shoulder at the music. Neither of the pair noticed as Alyssa and Shelby came to stand beside them again, also taking a look at Emma’s laptop. Syd had successfully caught Kaylee’s attention, getting the girl talking about some movie that she’d seen that Syd had asked about.

“How’d you guys meet?” Shelby asked, seemingly out of nowhere, although her gaze was fixed on Dani like she was trying to piece together whether they were dating Emma or not. Emma felt Alyssa’s gaze on her but kept her back to the brunette, determined not to find herself lost in Alyssa’s eyes yet again. “Like, have you two always known each other? Was it Tinder? Or whatever lesbians have for their dating app?”

Emma felt a knot in her stomach twist itself tighter, almost turning to glare at Shelby before Dani’s hand rested on her shoulder, her head finally turning to meet their gaze. “Emma and I aren’t dating, I love her to death, but she’s my bandmate and that’s not something I’m down for,” Dani said as if it answered every aspect of the question. Emma knew that Shelby wasn’t sold, but she wasn’t going to explain further herself.

“Yeah, but like, how did you meet?” Shelby pressed further, only for Syd to speak up from the other side of the counter.

“Those two losers? I matched them up! I thought Emma would be a good fit for Dani’s band, and they kind of... took the friendship and ran. We’re kind of like the Three Musketeers now though,” Syd laughed, their body leaning against the counter. Their arm was right up against Kaylee’s as the quartet turned to face them. Emma shot Syd yet another thankful look, glad that her friends were able to save her from the impending doom that came from talking to her classmates.

_______________

_“Hey!” Emma greeted, holding out her hand for the other person to take. She had been looking forward to meeting the connection that Syd had for the past week and now that it was finally happening, she wasn’t sure if she was ready. “I’m Emma, you’re Dani, right?”_

_Dani nodded, grinning from ear to ear, shaking Emma’s hand, “The one and only! Glad to meet you Emma, Syd told me some about you but not a lot about the music you play. Or that you were this cute? Is it legal?” Emma couldn’t help the light blush that came to her cheeks as she looked over Dani. They were dressed how she’d expected someone who was trying to start a pop punk band to look. Right down to the red flannel and torn vans._

_“Like you’re one to talk with dimples like that? Please, if anyone is illegally cute here it’s you,” Emma shot back, grinning just as widely. She took a seat and ran a hand through her hair, glancing around before leaning back and nodding toward the notebook that Dani had in front of them. “You got interview questions? Or just to take notes later on?”Emma didn’t know what she was supposed to be expecting with this meeting. She didn’t think it would be as professional as a job interview, but she also knew it wasn’t just her throwing herself into something casual._

_“Just baseline questions about your favorite bands and the kind of music you want to play. Then I figured once we get the major band questions out of the way then we can focus on just getting to know each other and go from there!” Dani seemed excited about Emma wanting to join the band, which only solidified in Emma’s mind that this was the universe finally looking up on her. They talked for a few hours about anything and everything before they came to an agreement about when rehearsals would begin._

_The pair were fast friends, and Emma found herself connecting with her other new bandmates just as easily. There was something about Dani though that just brought her a warmth to her heart that the others couldn’t quite match._


	3. car radio

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A little more insight into why Emma lives with Betsy, and into her friendship with Dani

_“Emma Ruth Nolan!” Betsy called from the front porch, seeing Emma pulling up to the farmhouse after curfew for the fourth night in a row. She looked up and gave a sheepish smile, rubbing the back of her neck before she hopped out of the truck. “You had better have a good explanation for coming home at midnight again, you-” “Sorry for keeping Emma late ma’am,” Dani said, sliding out from the passenger side, and casting a glance over to where Emma was stood before making their way up to the porch. They held out a hand to the older woman, shaking it gently and continuing to look on with the most apologetic expression they could muster. “We got to talking about the music we wanted to play and I asked her to bring me with so I could apologize to you in person.”_

  
_“And you are?” Betsy looked back to where Emma was, still standing by her truck, as if she were frozen in place. Her face was hard to make out in the dim light, but Betsy was sure that it was a terrified look, what with how stoic she was._

  
_“Oh, my name’s Dani, Emma’s joining my band and uh,” They paused, looking back to where the blonde was and offered a bright smile before turning to face Betsy again, “I wanted to apologize because I didn’t realize how late it had gotten but your granddaughter is one of the coolest people and I just didn’t want to stop talking to her.”_

  
_“It’s really my fault Gran,” Emma offered, finally pushing off her truck and coming to stand beside Dani at the bottom of the steps. “I should’ve been more conscious of the time but Dani insisted. I hope you don’t mind I brought them. We were hanging out at Syd’s after the shop closed, playing guitar and playing video games.” She looked up at her grandmother with the most apologetic look she could muster, hoping that she wouldn’t get grounded again for missing curfew. Now that she was going to have band practice at least four times a week, she couldn’t afford to really miss them._

  
_“So this band,” Betsy drawled, taking a step down the steps so she could sit on the porch. She kept her expression neutral up until she was situated. Once she was comfortable she looked up at the pair standing on the pavement with a bright grin, “Do you folks need a place to practice? You could use the barn if you’d like, we don’t use it much since my husband’s passing. I don’t know what kind of band this is, but I have a feeling that city folk wouldn’t like it being loud. We’re far enough out that you can be as loud as you want, whenever you want just so long as I’m not asleep.”_

  
_“Oh ma’am, I couldn’t ask that of you! The other members and I live the next town over, we just come to the coffee house because our friend Syd works there. We usually just practice up in their apartment,” Dani explained, trying to be thankful for the offer, but Emma could tell they didn’t want to accept it._

  
_She reached out and set a hand on their shoulder, smiling brightly. “Dani,” Emma said softly, “If you want to use the barn, we can. I know you probably don’t want to burden my grandma, but she and my grandad used to host parties in the barn every summer. She and the neighbors a few acres over are used to the sound. Plus, it would be less of a trek for you guys since you’re coming from Heaven.”_

  
_“But,” Betsy said, raising a finger to stop the pair, “I want to meet the whole band. And this Syd person that Emma has talked so much about. I want to meet the people making my granddaughter happy to come over for dinner. Both as a thank you for coming into her life, and a warning of what you folks can expect from visiting the Nolan farm.” Betsy watched as Dani paled, laughing to herself at her successful attempt to terrify them. “Now, have Emma take you back to where you need to go, dear. I can’t have you wandering back to town on foot.” She shooed the pair off, back towards Emma’s truck before standing and watching them drive back down the dirt road with a content smile on her face._

  
_____________

“Emma!” Betsy called from the porch, causing the blonde to peek out of the barn for a moment before she turned back to her bandmates. She motioned for them to follow her, setting her guitar against the dusty tractor that she still hadn’t moved, despite it needing to be scrapped six months ago. “Gran’s got lunch ready you guys,” Emma called behind her, hearing the sound of Clarke scrambling to stand from behind her drum kit. She stifled a laugh, pushing the door open further and letting the midday sun shine in on their hideout. It was like vampires approaching the sun for the first time as they shielded their eyes and squinted. There, standing on the porch with a warm smile on her face was Betsy Nolan. Emma jogged up to the porch and wrapped the old woman in a hug, all but melting against her grandmother. She knew that most people’s parents wouldn’t go to the trouble of making lunch or dinner for their kid’s friends, but Betsy didn’t bat an eye at it. 

  
“Hi kids, how’s practice going?” Betsy asked as the rest of the band rolled up to the steps, “I know you’re probably hard at work but I made some sandwiches and fruit salad. I figured you were all probably getting hungry, I could hear Clarke’s stomach from the kitchen.” She gave a cheeky grin, watching as Clarke blushed a bright red and ducked her head behind Maddie.

  
“It’s goin’ good Mrs. Nolan!” Maddie said with a grin, shoving Clarke back out from behind her and toward the stairs, “you called at a good time though, because if I had to hear Clarke complain about being hungry again I might have started feeding her the cow feed.” That earned her a shove from slightly shorter girl, Dani just standing off to the side laughing at them.

  
“You really are too kind Mrs. Nolan, I don’t know how Emma got so lucky,” Clarke said, thankful of the older woman. Her comment however made Emma look down at her hands, thinking about what exactly led her to coming to the farm. She knew her friends meant well, but there were still those open wounds that refused to heal. She was thankful for her grandmother, for her friends, for the farm, but she couldn’t help but think about what had led her to this point.

  
“Let’s go eat, yeah? I uh,” Emma paused, losing her train of thought as she tried to usher the conversation back to food. 

  
Dani seemed to sense her discomfort and wrapped an arm around the blonde, dragging her up the steps and into the kitchen. “Let’s go losers! One hour then we’re back to trying to learn In the End again!” The pair heard the clamor of feet on the steps and Betsy calling for them to take their shoes off when they got into the mud room. Emma let out a loud laugh and leaned a little more into Dani as they did as they were told.

___________

_That day the silence was so loud, defeating almost. How did someone begin to silence the thoughts in their own head when there was nothing left to drown them out. Up until that moment Emma had the yelling of her parents or the torment of her classmates to keep her thoughts at bay, but now that she was left with them it was nearly impossible to blink back the tears. She was nothing to them. Nothing to anyone. Who did she have that would love her unconditionally, all her flaws her parents saw meaning nothing. She couldn’t bare to get out of the truck and knock on her grandmother’s door. She knew the old woman would love her still, but something in her was filled with such a primal instinct to run and never look back that she wondered what would happen if she did._

  
_The only person who’d look for her would be her grandmother, unless her parents just said she was fine. They could easily cover up her absence, it wasn’t like she had friends. That solidified it for her, she shifted the truck into reverse and began barreling down the empty dirt road, heading toward the lake several miles out of town. Her car radio off, and the sound of the wind blasting past her car filling her ears, it felt as if a part of her heart shattered as each mile passed. She eventually parked on the opposite side of the lake, knowing she was close to salvation but too scared to reach out. She laid back in the driver’s seat, closing her eyes and tried to regulate her breathing. It felt like she was drowning and no matter how fast she swam she couldn’t reach the top._

  
_She ran a hand through her hair and felt herself drift off to sleep just before she was startled back to reality by a knock on her car door. She opened her eyes and let them fall on none other than- “Alyssa? I-What are you doing here?”_

  
_“I could ask you the same thing Emma, don’t you live next to Shelby?” Her voice didn’t hold any contempt or judgement. Just curiosity._

  
_“I used to, I- uh,” She looked out onto the lake, vaguely in the distance of where her grandmother’s farm was, “It looks like I’m going to be living with my grandma, Betsy. My dad and I uh- had a disagreement. It’s better for me to be here.” Emma watched as Alyssa leaned on the car door, head tilted slightly as she listened to Emma speak. The distance between them was nearly non-existent and it definitely made Emma panic a little. The blonde could tell in that moment there wasn’t any denying she liked girls._

  
_“Do you want to talk about it? We could go get ice cream and I’ll let you vent?” Alyssa watched Emma carefully, a look on her face that Emma couldn’t quite place. She knew though, that it set butterflies in motion in her chest. All she could do was nod and motion for Alyssa to hop in._

  
_Ice cream turned into watching the stars until Alyssa needed to get home before her mother noticed she was gone, and Emma was left on her own, standing on the porch of the farm until she worked up the courage to knock on the door._


End file.
